Last night I had the house to myself. Most people are totally ok with being home alone, but due to recent events that have incited terror, paranoia, and crazy freak out moments, I was not ok with it. Thanks to all my wonderful friends that DON'T PICK UP THEIR PHONES, I was stuck alone in a big house, in some big woods, in the big middle of nowhere, without any big dogs or big sticks to protect myself. Fish suggested I get a big stick from the woods and sleep with it. Well, the forest is the perfect place for sketchy people to commit homicide. I could have slept with my ski poles, but that would involve going into the garage where there are lots of powertools and sharp objects--again, another sketchy sketchy place where sketchy things could happen. So instead, I decided to fend off creeps with some loud music and southpark. Luckily, the vampire episode was on, which not only brightened my spirits, but also awakened my inner vampire so that I may easily destroy and devour any strange people that might crawl in through my windows. Needless to say, I made it through the night sans sleeping pills and big sticks. Mission accomplished.
Yesterday was just an achievement filled day. Dan also learned how to rollerski. He didn't fall once! and he made it down some extreme hills with minimal tweeking. We did almost get hit by a car once or twice, but we succeeded in surviving, so we can live for another day and for another adventure. When we were going along Skyline Rd, three boys on motor scooters passed us. I got a couple of creepy looks, probably because I wasn't wearing a shirt. In that moment, I contemplated a few things. Why didn't I put a shirt on? Why are motor scooters so dorky? Is rollerskiing dorkier? Am I going to kill Dan with this rollerskiing nonsense? Would he mind dying in a dorky fashion?
Such ponderous questions, questions that I can now answer. Well, I don't like wearing clothes and yes, rollerskiing is dorky, but it is an essential part of human life. Without rollerskiing, I would not have a sportsbra tan, drivers would not have to use their imagination to figure out what rollerskiing is exactly, the golden retrievers in my neighbor's yard would have nothing to bark at, the slug population would sky-rocket, and all road dorkiness would belong to motor scooters--and nobody wants that. So now that we know the necessity of rollersking in life, I'll give you lessons for $10 an hour. $12 an hour if I go shirtless. Afterall, being semi-naked is dangerous--I could get the melanoma or get hit on by motor scooter-ers.
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