Infiltration!

The swine got me. Worse timing ever. I have to miss the best party of the year--80s of course! which is happening tonight AND I had to miss Michelle's birthday party last night. Instead I lay in my bed 24/7, and I'm only allowed to leave to use the bathroom. Except now that Sam's gone for a bit, I could sneak downstairs and get food. Perhaps... Pretty boring I must say. I can only hang out with my dogs, which is pretty awesome actually. Them, along with a gallon of grapefruit juice, a thermometer, and a roll of toilet paper are my best friends for the next 3-5 days. And since I'm too disfunctional to work/read/do anything mildly mentally straining, all I do is sleep and watch disney movies on youtube. Writing this blog is actually taking a lot of energy and pain, but I'm running out of things to do. So I'm really sorry if this post is incohesive or just wrong, but I must communicate with the outside world somehow. It's pretty sad actually, I mean, if I need to talk to Sam who is the only other person in the house, I either have to text him or call him even if he's in the next room or wait for him to yell at me through the door about taking all the advil. Yeah, sad. I feel like a leper.

GLITTER BONANZA OF JOY!!

MAREN IS COMING! MAREN IS COMING! so the glitter bonanza of joy is tonight, and i'm kindof worried. this party could go either one of two ways. No one could come, and it would be a smattering of awkward people not knowing what to do with themselves and being bored. ORRR it could go the opposite way and there could be 239847648 people, 239847640 of which i dont know. with that situation, there will be no possible way to have my RA NOT know that we're having a party, and if that happens, the RA will no doubt come and that would be awwwwful because the majority of these people (including me...) will be underage. and if that shit happens, which i just have a feeling it will, it goes on your permanent record and Bridget, the girl getting us the stuff, will be taken to court for supplying to minors. which would be HORRIBLE because bridget is the sweetest girl i have ever met in my life. so hopefully dan, the RA, will be out and about and no one will notice. also, i'm worried because there are no activities. no beer pong or anything,... people will be so bored!!!! but i cant think of anything that we could do! i could put on a movie i guess... but it might be too loud to watch it. playing cards? oh god i'm worried. i've never hosted a college party before and for some reason i'm treating it like a martha stewart thing. i cleaned all this morning, and i've had my outfit ready for a week. I'M SUCH A DORRRK!!!! also, we dont have a DD on hand, which is bad because i dont want anyone going home driving drunk, and there is no room for EVERYONE to stay the night!!! ohhhhhh i'm worried.
aside from this, i had a sleep study last night to see why i sleep so much. it suuuuucked. they put twenty million wires all over me and all over my head and TWO not one but TWOOO oxygen things up my nose, and it was awful. i couldnt go to the bathroom without asking some guy that was outside my room, and then i had to lug around 29837 pounds of equipment attached to my body. then he woke me up at 6, which for me is like the middle of the night. also, the glue that they used on my head to keep the wires on smelled HORRIFIC! so i went back to the apartment and took a shower. i probably used half the bottle of shampoo and all that did was dry the glue up even more and make it chip a little so that it looks like i have crazy bad dandruff. fantastic. it still smells too. and all they found was that my carbon dioxide levels were elevated. useless.
BUT the FANTASTICCCC news is that MAREN IS COMING!!!!!!! now we just have to pray that she isnt carrying the swine flu. she says she isnt sick, but her roommates are, so she could just be a carrier and make EVERYONE SICKKK!!! ohhh maren.
eff i'm hungry. okay baiiii.

NEWS REPORT: TAYLOR SWIFT ON REPEAT

Poor Taylor, getting electronic devices ripped out of her hands and whatnot. Honestly Kanye, I'll still marry you, but you need to work on your people skillz.

What a VMAs we had this year. Unfortunately, my roommates and I couldn't figure out how to hook up our cable wire, so I missed all of it. Fortunately, people spend their whole lives on youtube, and this historical douchebag moment was online 2 minutes after it happened, maybe less. Didn't miss a beat, except I didn't catch Lady Gaga's earth-shattering outfit until Michelle posted it. Ballin. Pretty much everyone classy at Bowdoin hates Lady Gaga. Guess I'm not a classy gal. There is, however, the select few of us that attended a party entitled "HOUS OF GAGA CELEBRATION!" There were some pretty good gaga costumes, nothing too stellar, especially on my part, but I'd like to think I rocked it like Miss Gaga would (or should I say miss/mister gaga?). If I make the trek up north this weekend, I'll be sure to go all out--just let me make a wreath out of my own hair and glitter glue, and I'm all set.

Other news-worthy news that could put a damper on this weekend's escapade: SWINE FLU IS TAKING OVER BOWDOIN. Apparently we were featured in the Boston Globe for our campus-wide epidemic. What a great reputation! Omg Bowdoin is such a great school--a wonderful place where the entire student body swaps fluids and forgets to cover their coughs on a regular basis. Or better yet: come get a great education AND get quarantined for a sometimes fatal illness named after an animal that many cultures won't eat. Sounds awesome to me. Personally, I want to get quarantined. I would love nothing more than to be forced to stay in a room by myself all day, where all I'm allowed to do is sleep, watch movies, wear a mask, and never leave (at least until I'm no longer hot. Guess I'll never be leaving. chaching). I also heard that they are feeding quarantine kids lobster dinners. I don't even like lobster, but I would fully soak in the sympathy by contemplating eating it for five minutes or so. I could give it to one of my other swine flu friends as a token of my appreciation for a fellow mask-wearing piggy buddy. I think that's what they should call the quarantine kids now: piggy buddies. I can't wait to be a piggy buddy, as long as it's not this weekend or 3 weekends from now. Perhaps I will pencil swine flu in for the first weekend in november? Then I'll get out of my orchestra dress rehearsal. Perfect. Well I'll go get on that; these things require a bit of strategy you know. Peace

PROCRASTINATE
watch this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Xj8RrIpiiQ

then watch (listen to) this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buAeYUBuieY

Gaga Fever.

So yet again in my music history class, i would like to address the ridiculousness of the VMAs the other night. More specifically, Lady Gaga's blatant amazingness. My roommate Jill hates Gaga, and it breaks my heart. How can you not love someone who came to the VMAs dressed like this...
She is my new idol.
I'm becoming extremely controlling about my party these days. I've decided what rory will be wearing, what i will be wearing, and i'm trying to decide what to get so that when people come to my party NOT wearing something glittery, i can make them wear. i'm thinking cheap plastic glittery top hats. probably get them at iparty or something. and i want glittery temporary tats to put on everyone. makes me cry that mare says she might come and then she cant. breaks my heart. mare. hitchhike. it's safe if you just bring pepper spray and a big knife. hahahhaa. ohhh my life.

Effbomb you school.

so i'm chillin in my music history class. sooo boring. we're listening to corelli's christmas concerto. baaaarf. so rory is throwing me a bday party on the 25th even though my bday is a week later, which is exciting except for the BLATANT flaw that neither maren or natie will be there. which obviously is the formula for the perfect party. it's a glitter party and so everyone has to wear something glittery. which will be fun if i can get anyone to come. i dont have that many friends so it might be a little awkward. SPEAKING of awkward. so i have 5 roommates and one of them, Karen, has the biggest asshole boyfriend in the world. she thinks he's amazing but the truth is, he's probably the antichrist. there's a campus wide movement right now called the "no hate movement" where you sign your name on a banner pledging that you will not discriminate against people of a different race, gender, sexuality, etc etc. someone one day drew a big X on the word "no" on the poster. later, tyler (the asshole boyf of karen) admitted to doing said deed. he says the word faggot constantly, says every racist word known to man, (nigger, chink, kyke, mick, towel head, sand nigger, etc etc.) he gets drunk EVERY night, no joke he's drunk on a wednesday at 6 in the evening. and he brags about driving while he's drunk. basically he is everything bad about the evils in the world. so last Saturday, before going off to see danny and doing an extremely disorganized wedding, i was getting ready, and i hear this disgusting slapping noise and rhythmic pounding noise. turns out, karen and tyler were having extremely EXTREEMELY loud sex. i can never have sex again because it disgusts me now. the other roommates are extremely angry and i'm extremely disturbed. it's horrific. no one knows what to say to her, so we're just kind of staying out of her way.
so there's this new girl in orchestra who's crazy amazing. she's an exchange student from Tokyo and i really want to be her friend, but i'm so awkward that it's weird. it's a friend crush. how do you just become friends with someone? i'm such a nerd and a little kid that i just cant "hang out" with someone. whatever. class is almost over so i'm signing off. love everyone
michelle

I love chicken nuggets

I'm now moved into my new apartment at school. Fortunately, there was only a mild case of traumatization where I realized that I will be flirting with the line between sanity and complete mental chaos for the next 8 months. It is troubling. But as I sit here, listening to my neighbors blast Smash Mouth to my left and drunk girls yell at Linda to my right, I think maybe this won't be so bad after all. Just gotta dust off the old thinking cap, remember my social skills, and numb my body with happy thoughts of bunnies and rainbows while I shut myself in the pain locker that is skiing each day. Tis easy. Much easier than assembling shelves to go above our toilet. How many people does it take to assemble a shitty ass, ugly, cannot stand on it's own, little shelf to make a female's bathroom routine a little easier? The answer, my friends, is 4. One guy that knows how to screw, one Beverly-Hills resident, one covert commander that sits around making sexual puns about screws, nails, wood, and "the back", and one blonde. You also need approximately 2 hours and a lot of sanity. And there it goes! So much for hanging out on the line--I guess I'll just dive into the deep end of insanity. At least now I have an accesible place for the necessities of life: retainers and contacts. I'm a dork, what can I say? They do fit nicely right above our beautiful toilet.

So here it is, a brand spankin new school year. And I would like the answer the burning question of the week with another question
"So Maren, are you ready for school?"
oh yeah? I'd like to know...
"So Bowdoin, are you ready for me?"